Facebook. Instagram. Twitter. Snapchat. Pinterest. Flickr. FourSquare.
I’m certain there’s more, but you get the point.
I have a love/hate relationship with it.
On the one hand, there are so many perks. It’s an easy way to keep up with friends and family that we don’t live close to, or just don’t get the chance to see that often. My husband’s family is all in Oklahoma and we only get out there once a year. Sure, there’s e-mail, but It would be really difficult to remember to e-mail all the various family members and keep them updated with the goings on of our crazy life.
Post a picture to social media, and everyone knows at once. Super handy.
I also enjoy following the lives of those close to me, Even if I live nearby them and see them on a regular basis. It’s so precious to see the everyday little moments that we wouldn’t otherwise know about.
But here’s where the downside of the relationship comes in.
I have become dependent on social media. It’s often the first thing I do in the morning, and the last thing I do before bed.
I make the excuse that it helps me “wake up”, and that scrolling through Pinterest helps me to unwind before I fall asleep.
But it’s also what I do ALL DAY.
Every time I have a few minutes to sit down, I’m on social media.
When the girls take their nap, I’m on social media.
I’ve found myself fixing a plate, or a cup of coffee in a specific way so I can get that post worthy picture.
I’ve begged my girls to redo a cute moment so that I can “story it”, rather than just enjoy the moment together.
My 2 year old has asked me if I was “too busy”, to play kitchen with her, when she saw me on my phone for probably the 25th time that day.
I’ve also found myself in a constant state of comparison. I spend hours a day (It’s literal hours when you add it all up) looking at other people’s lives, wishing I had what they had, did what they did, looked how they looked.
Nothing I had was good enough.
I couldn’t stay home full time with my kids like other moms.
My house isn’t decorated as cute as Joanna Gaines (I mean, lets be real, who's really is though?)
My kids aren’t eating a completely organic diet and able to sit still through my reading a book to them, let alone an entire church service.
We don’t celebrate Fridays because my husband works every Saturday, so we don’t have the weekend to relax and sneak away to our beach house on the lake.
None of these things are bad things, and I’m so happy that there are people out there that CAN do them (Especially getting your toddlers to sit through a church service...for real).
But the problem for me, is that I compared my life against theirs, and determined that he/she was “goals”, and that’s what my life needed to look like.
And suddenly, all of my insecurities came flooding in, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe under the pressure to be “perfect”. I was never going to measure up, no matter how many of these things I tried to attain in my life. So, I went from a typically happy and uplifting person, to an unsatisfied, insecure human that wasn’t even comfortable being around her closest friends.
The truth is, I have wanted to write this post for months. But I was so addicted to the familiarity of social media, that I kept giving myself reasons why I shouldn’t write it; why I shouldn’t take a break. I made arguments like:
People need to see all the good things going on in our lives!
I should wait until after we move into our house so everyone can know we moved. And then a week would go by...
I should wait until after graduation, people have been following my grad school journey, and it wouldn’t be fair to take a break now. They wouldn't know I finished. And then a month would go by...
I should wait until after Bella’s first birthday, everyone will want to see pictures of her party and celebrate with us....
Excuse after excuse after excuse after excuse...
It seems embarrassing to admit an addiction, but that’s the truth. I don’t rule my social media intake, it rules me.
And that’s just not ok.
Something has to change.
So, I’m taking a break for awhile. I need to unplug, and get my priorities and emotions in check. I need to be content with the beautiful life I’ve been given, and not feel like I don’t measure up to the “Insta worthy” moments I have been inundating myself with on a daily basis.
I want to read more, write more, play more music so my girls can dance along.
I want to pursue excellence in my life, not because I feel like I have to, but because I want to be the best version of myself for me and my family.
To be honest, it scares me a little LOT.
I’ll probably feel disconnected.
I won’t be “in the know” about everyone’s daily lives, or special events that take place.
And I’ll probably be left out of a lot of things because I didn’t hear about them.
But you know what? That’s just gotta be ok.
Life WILL go on, and I’ll be fine.
I’ll still be writing, so if you read my posts, I hope to write often and share my journey as I continue to learn more about myself.
Maybe you’ve been struggling with some of the same feelings that I have, and this post is what you needed to be challenged to walk away for a season, too.
Or maybe this post was only for me to finally be willing to make a change.
And that’s perfectly fine too. :)